life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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