I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
