I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
