too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
