its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
