Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
