He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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