you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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