you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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