Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Someone came in the potted fern
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
