Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
