Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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