I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
