Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
