I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
