she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
