bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
