I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize