i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
