I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
