11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
