not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
