Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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