Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
