We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
