My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
