my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
