just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
