Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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