there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
