Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize