Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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