Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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