im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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