you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
