i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
