i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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