Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
