coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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