Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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