I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
