i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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