I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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