Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
