Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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