I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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