i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
