I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We have so much sex to catch up on
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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