Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize