Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
