my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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