All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
