Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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