i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
