Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
