That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
