May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
