"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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