I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
