I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
