Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
