If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
