Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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