It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
