I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
