hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
