So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
