I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You ruined the universe
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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