So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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