i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
