I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
