i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
