I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
