Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
