I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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