What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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