1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
